It may not be an official complaint, but I have named it Wrapping Aversion Syndrome. It is so bad that one year I was tempted to just wrap Christmas presents in old tea towels and fasten them with safety pins. Who knows? It may have started a new trend- remember when brown paper with potato cut stencils was all the rage? Brown paper sure, but stuff the potato part. Actually, stuffed potatoes is not a bad idea !
Every 12 months that dreaded, dreadful season arrives with monotonous regularity - the Christmas present wrapping season. Never mind the ides of March, beware the ordeals of December! Maybe I am a closet anarchist or something, but part of my aversion to the task of wrapping is my ability to do things ass-backward. If the door says PULL, I push the bloody thing. I try to open plastic bags at the wrong end. Not fun when you put your applies in and they all dive straight to the ground ... Same thing applies to sticky tape (adhesive tape for those who speak another language, wink).
I pull the tape from the roll and instantly get it wrapped around at least one finger, doubled in the middle and stuck the way it NEVER sticks to paper. Peel it off, start again. End up with quite an attractive design stuck to the table - little balls of tape resembling a mini Leaning Tower of Pisa. What? Oh, the dispenser? Same, same, same, I gotta tell you there is no difference using a dispenser. Except that now the tape comes off from on the roll itself, and do you think I can find the cut end? Not on your bloody life can I. Hurl that roll out.
Meanwhile, the present has become unwrapped, so that the paper has drifted to the floor, where the dog has pounced and is happily shredding it into confetti. Start again. My back aches from bending, even though I am sitting through most of it. Start another roll of tape. THIS time I have a clue, which is unusual for me, as I am normal quite clueless. I pull off a piece of tape, very very gently. Tear it across the little metal teeth on the dispenser. Very carefully. Take said piece of tape and stick one end to the side of dispenser - yes!
Checking out the re-wrapped gift I calculate (clever of me!) how many pieces of tape it will require. Pull said number of pieces off and stick to side of dispenser. Grab present, go to take first piece of tape and stick - aaaaaaaaagh. Bloody thing has wrapped around my finger.
After much repetition I finally manage to get the tape onto the paper. Standing back to admire my creation, I realise I have stuck the tape in the wrong place, and have gaps, and ruckles where they shouldn't be. Oh shit. Carefully, carefully peel the tape off..........riiiiiiiiip! I could scream, I could cry, I could rant. Back to the drawing board.
I sit quietly for a moment, seething and sweating. I have a plan. Now this is really really sneaky - I tiptoe to the door and yell "Katie? Are you doing anything for a minute?".............