Thursday, September 22, 2011

How Do You Discipline Your Child?

At a rough guess, most of us understand appropriate discipline for our children, according to their ages.  There are some mothers who are unsure what is the best way to discipline, however, and at what age they should use, for example, time out.

We were discussing Dr. Phil McGraw, whom I hold in the highest esteem.  One of his programmes on tv some years ago featured a woman who had a son in his late teens.  She claimed that he was out of control and would yell and shout and was rude etc.  She couldn't understand why he was like this, and maintained that it wasn't anything she did to cause him to be so badly behaved.  Then they showed a video of her and the stepfather interacting with the boy.  Frankly, I cried for the boy.  She started on him the minute he walked in the door, and she screamed abuse at him, called him every hideous name you can think of, she spoke to him as though he was scum.  It was truly the most shocking and horrifying attack. The boy's response was to yell back, he was visibly upset and trying to defend himself.

I just sat shaking my head at that woman, who dared to call herself a mother.  Dr. Phil said to her that she was the reason that her son was yelling, and of course it was her treatment of him that caused his reaction.  He made a brilliant point, telling the woman that she had been writing on her son's slate since the day he was born.  She treated her son so badly, and at the end of the segment Dr. Phil's wife Robin came onto the set, saying that she was watching on the monitor and she cried for the boy as well.  She just wanted to give him a huge hug.  Naturally the poor son was crying also.

There are so very many families in which this scene is enacted daily, which to me is unbearably sad.
It says to me that at the very base of the relationship there is absolutely no respect from the parent for the child.  The parent then wonders why the child shows lack of respect.   My memory tells me that the meaning of the word "respect" is to show consideration or regard for, or to hold in esteem or to honour.   The huge keyword here is consideration.   Being thoughtful or sympathetic toward someone.   I have the firm belief that we should show even our babies respect - being thoughtful or sympathetic towards them.  

Which leads me back into discipline.  We show regard for the age of the child when we discipline.  If a child is too small to apply reasoning, then it is not going to be appropriate to explain to him why he is being punished for pinching his brother!   He just cannot understand yet.

So some of the techniques to use  I will set out here, and try to explain why it is appropriate to use them, and a rough age guide.   With tiny tots, say up to about 18 months old, the easiest and most effective discipline is to focus on the good behaviour, and not the bad behaviour.   If we can ignore the bad behaviour as much as possible, and only pay attention to the little one when he is behaving well, this works amazingly well.  At this age your child needs and wants your attention - if he isn't getting it by behaving well, he will behave badly.  Any attention is better than none.  So reinforcing the good behaviour by acknowledging it and praising the child is more powerful than you would realise. For this age also, redirecting the child from bad behaviour towards good behaviour is the simple technique to use.  

As your child gets older you will find that you need to add to your little book of discipline tricks, as from probably 18 months through to 4 years of age you can start explaining how you need him to behave, and why.   I found it was best to use the simplest instruction or explanation I could to start with.  As my daughter grew I could use more complex explanation, but without overwhelming her.  You can also add time out - and time out needs to be in a place that is 'neutral' and as boring as it gets.   On a step, in a corner, anywhere there are no toys to play with or tv to watch for example.  The child is then ignored, until he calms down or is quiet.   The general rule for time outs is one minute per each year of the child's age.  However, time-outs shouldn't be longer than 5 minutes.

You will find that your little tot starts to be able to learn good judgment when they are given instructions and explanations for the behaviour you expect.  And time out makes them think about what they have done that is not acceptable behaviour.  More than one little child has put herself in time out for misbehaving! 

After the age of 4, until the child is a teen, you can add rules, but you will really need to keep repeating the rules for your smaller children until they learn to abide by them on their own.  With children who are going to school you can effectively add "grounding" - which is really a more grown-up version of time out!   I would take a rough guess that most of us have been "grounded" at some stage during our growing up years.   Effectively it is restricting the child to the house, or their room, for a set period of time as a punishment for infringing the rules.  As an example, if the child arrives home from playing at a friend's an hour later than he is supposed to, then he will be "grounded" and not allowed out to play the following day.

A further discipline that can be introduced is withholding privileges.   Dr. Phil says :

  • "Children should learn that privileges come with responsibility and they need to be earned. In order to be effective, this technique should be used infrequently. A privilege that is valued by the child, such as watching television or playing with friends, should be removed."
One thing we found with my tiny granddaughter was that she started hitting when she was very tired.  No matter how many times we told her no, she persisted and persisted.  As an absolute last resort, we used age-Inappropriate punishment (which was not kind but very very effective) - we warned her that next time she hit, her DVD would be put on the top of the fridge for 5 minutes.  She had an absolute fit, cried as though her heart was broken.   My poor daughter felt like a criminal.   However - Fifi forgot, and she started hitting - so up went the DVD.   Heartbroken child for 5 minutes.   And it did the trick.  I think, all in all, the DVD went on the fridge twice.   We weren't happy with doing it but nothing else worked with Fifi, try try try as we might.

So as a summary, effective discipline for age 0 to 18 months is :  Redirecting and reinforcement (or positive reinforcement).  

From 18 months until 4 years : Positive reinforcement,   Redirecting,   Verbal Instruction and or Explanation,   and time out.

From 4 years to 12 years:   Positive reinforcement, redirecting,  verbal instruction and/or explanation, time out,  establishing rules,  grounding, and withholding privileges.

After the age of 12 it is not really appropriate, nor should it be necessary, to use redirection, or time out.

The main thing to remember is be consistent.  Don't confuse the child by changing punishments from one day to the next.   If you say that Johnny will be put into time out if he hits his sister, then continue to use that discipline, come what may.   Johnny then knows that if he chooses to do wrong then he chooses the punishment, whatever it might be.  And stay as calm as you possibly can - which sounds easy but is awfully hard to do.  There won't be many of us who haven't yelled at our child, but it serves no real purpose, it just generates more anger, and unfortunately your child will learn his responses from you - he will yell back at you.

My really strong belief is that we don't say the child is bad, it is the behaviour that is bad.  I would be interested to know if you have found any of this helpful.

Hissing Sid - The Story So Far

Well Hissing Sid has been here only a week and the kids are counting down the time he has remaining.  My daughter said that he makes them feel uncomfortable in their own home.   Son-in-law said it seems that Hissy believes everyone else is beneath him.   Well, he hit the nail on the head.  

He judges everything, literally everything.   As far as his granddaughter is concerned, he has no time, tolerance or patience whatsoever.  He has actually used the word "brat".   Um, she is not yet 4 years old?   And when she got tired and as little kids do she got manic, he said "she is deliberately winding herself up".   The man (and I use that term loosely) is totally lacking in understanding.   

I know there have been a lot of things going on in their home that I probably won't find out about until later, as there is so much to tell and we have limited time when we see them, but the thing that really has me wanting to do murder is the fact that Katie said her endometriosis pain is pretty awful.  That happens when she is under great stress.   

Last night Fifi had a bad night, with tummy ache, and she woke a bit - so Hissy had to get his snide dig in this morning, saying something to the effect that "it was incessant".   Katie just said, "yes, poor little girl".   He would have been furious because he had been woken in the night, well tough bikkies mate, small children tend to wake during the night, especially if they are not well...

One incident Katie told me about, I honestly cannot believe the man - he is 66 years old, in case you are wondering.  Fifi had her little people and other toys in the washing baskets.  As Katie was helping Fifi with her breakfast she said that she would do a load of washing, so she would need one of the baskets, and perhaps they could take the little people out.  Maybe they could put the people in Fifi's pram.  Fifi was ok with this.  Next thing Hissy went marching off into Fifi's bedroom, and of course Fifi was upset and called out "no, don't go into my room".   He ignored her, and marched back out with her dolly pram. He started to throw things out of the doll pram into (I think) the toy box.  Fifi wanted the dolls etc left in the pram so she tried to get the pram from him and stop him, after asking him not to throw her toys out.  He snarled at her that he was "trying to help mummy".... It ended with HIM having a tug of war with Fifi over the pram - she is a little kid for pity's sake.  He lost his temper (so what's new?), snatched the pram, marched off and hurled it into her bedroom and stomped off into his room and shut the door.  Fifi was crying and ended up under her mummy's bed, and mummy got under there with her.  Why did he have to interfere, Fifi was happy enough to empty a basket when she had finished her breakfast.   She sees him behaving like a spoiled 2 year old, and then he has the audacity to say she is a brat?  hmmm   Oh, she told him later that he was mean.  I agree! 

Sophia is learning, she is a little kid, and having him sitting there with his arms crossed and his mouth permanently screwed up in disapproval, a look of scorn in his eyes, must make everyone feel sick to their stomachs.  The intolerance and contempt he feels is apparently palpable. He had very little to do with Katie's upbringing except to  ignore her, and yet he has said about Fifi  "I wouldn't tolerate that"  - um, yeah?  What would you do?  Smack her around a bit?   Whereas we would just remind her that she needs to say please! 


The biggest tell?  She jumped onto his knee and he went 'oof' and put her on the floor, so she did a kid thing and jumped back onto his knee.  It was a game, it was funny to her. He was sooo angry, grabbed her and plonked her on the floor hard and stormed off.  He does a lot of the spoiled child act, stomping off into his bedroom.   Makes you think, doesn't it?  He is 66 years old, acting like he was Sophia's age - 3 years 7 months.   The huge difference between Hissy and my other half is that when our little girl is here my other half will be down on the floor with her, playing games with the dolly house or the toy of the moment.   The same with her other grandfather!  They actually love her and understand that she is a child, and is really quite a well-behaved little child at that.   She is not a robot, nor is she a dog that you can train to sit when you tell it.

And since this waste of oxygen ex has been here, Fifi has been doing a bit of playing up.  I wonder why?

There are other things I learned about today but I won't go into them, all we can do is wait for him to leave,  and pray that Katie and Mark can stand it for another 4 weeks.  I believe that if it gets too much they should front him together and say that they feel he is not comfortable staying with them, and they will book him into the nearby motel so that he can have some peace.   He won't want that!  He won't want to spend the money.  With luck he will leave early.  ha

Fifi's other grandparents are livid about him too, he is the only one who thinks he is right, and strangely he is the only one we know who dislikes and disapproves of his only grandchild.

Oh, and another facet of this charming person?  Day seven of his visit, and he has yet to have a shower.........

Katie summed it up, she said "as far as he is concerned, children should be seen and not heard".   Yep, exactly.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Don't Hide Your Chicken In Your Shoe!

The title of this blog was inspired by my tiny granddaughter.  There were ants on the floor, and when mummy followed their trail she found chicken from the previous night's dinner - hidden in Fifi's shoe!  When she asked why the chicken was hidden in her shoe, little miss denied doing it, and decided that daddy must have done it!  Mummy said that daddy had Gnocchi, not chicken!  She got to the bottom of the mystery in a short while - Fifi had been told if she could eat all her dinner she could have a little chocolate.  Obviously, she couldn't eat it all, but she really wanted that chocolate.

I suppose it is understandable that little kids tell fibs, after all they are surrounded by an amazing fantasy world at pre-school age, their imaginations are working overtime, and they play "pretend''  games for hours each day. Many small children have imaginary friends at this age also, and they seem to be a great favourite when it comes to shifting the blame for  a misdemeanour.  How many times have we thought "well, there is only you and me here son, and I didn't do it!" - much to our secret and vast amusement!  

At about age 3 we start to teach our children that there are consequences for naughty or bad behaviour, and as time out or whatever discipline we use is to be avoided, then our little bundles of joy will want to pass the buck! The imaginary friend, or the fairies did it mummy!   Even though little Joan's face is covered in crumbs and the biscuit tin is now empty - she didn't do it!   It is normal for little kids to dip their toes into the waters of dishonesty, so don't panic!

I read where a renowned educator, Dr. Michele Borba, EdD, who has written several parenting books, calls this behaviour "wishful thinking"  -  she encourages us to remember that "a three-year-old's brain doesn't work the same way yours does".   "The biggest reason why kids won't admit [a wrongdoing] is because they really wish someone else did," Dr. Borba explains.

So instead of putting all the emphasis on the lie, instead try asking, "Do you wish that had happened?"  When he confesses, give your little one  a big smile and a cuddle for telling the truth. Then quietly  help him to fix his mistake, by cleaning up the spill together, or saying sorry to his brother for taking his train set.

I believe that preschool children can't yet distinguish between fantasy and the real world - they do know that some things are pretend, but they are not yet certain about where the line is, the edges are blurry!

Even though we know all this, we still don't want our children to get into a habit of lying to us.  So what can we do, to nip this in the bud early?   My first rule was that I didn't hear my daughter when she told me a lie.  I tried to stay very calm, not shout and rant, but at the same time I insisted she tell me the truth.  She was told that although she may get into trouble for the misdeed, she would get into more trouble for telling a lie.  I would just keep saying to her "tell me the truth".    And eventually she would.  She came to realise that it was actually better to 'fess up' than to persist in an obvious lie.   When Fifi told her fib and then owned up after a little while, my daughter thanked her for telling the truth.   Maybe this is the key to the whole thing?   To acknowledge that it is difficult to admit you have done wrong, but that you are proud that they have told you the truth.

There are also certain things you can do to avoid the necessity for lies!  Don't try to lay traps for the child, this is unfair, and unnecessary.  For example, don't ask the child "who did this?"  or "did you do this?" - don't ask "did you clean your shoes?"  when you know full well who did or didn't do "this"  and that he hasn't cleaned his shoes!   You can ask why he did something,  and in the shoe example you can say "I see you haven't cleaned your shoes yet"  and then suggest that he do them now or whenever you want it done. 

If your child makes a mistake and does something wrong, this is an ideal learning opportunity also - again, the chicken in the shoe comes up as a brilliant example.   Mummy told Fifi that it would have been best to tell her and daddy that she couldn't eat all her dinner, and to ask if she could still have a chocolate.  She also told her that the chicken should have gone into the bin, and that the chicken in the shoe was why the ants had all come inside. As young as she is, Fifi could see the logic in this!  I freely admit that my gentle daughter handled this situation much better than I would have.  Fifi learned from her mistake, and learned that it was good to tell the truth.

The key, I believe, is that our children understand that it is quite safe to tell the truth, and that whatever happens we love them unconditionally.   If they forget and tell a lie, we can remind them.   The main thing is that we show them love, and gentleness. 
As for older children who lie, I will put down my thoughts about this in a separate blog.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  I welcome your comments, whether you agree or disagree with me!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Can You Speak My Language?

For years I have been saying that the reason why many Queensland drivers are so bad is that they can't speak English.  Don't misunderstand me, please, as I am not referring to people who are new to the country, but to those who have no idea of the meaning of certain words in their own language!  The first word that blazes a path across the mote that is my mind is "defensive".    I am sure that there are many drivers who confuse this word with "aggressive".    The National Safety Council's Defensive Driving Course describes defensive driving as "driving to save lives, time, and money, in spite of the conditions around you and the actions of others".   My dictionary describes "defensive" as "Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability".    "Aggressive", however, is  "Inclined to behave in an actively hostile fashion".   Or - Road Rage!

Some drivers are a nightmare to travel with as a passenger.  I have a great reluctance to travel in any vehicle as a passenger, and that is at the best of times.  I trust very few people behind the wheel of a car, and admit freely that I am a dreadful passenger.  My tendency is to hold on for dear life, whilst applying the 'brakes' judiciously, and either squeaking or wetting my knickers at the number of apparent near-misses other drivers have.  There have been times when I wanted only to shriek "stop the car" and to haul my driver out and take over the driving myself.  Sometimes the only thing that stopped me was that I was hanging onto the safety strap so tightly that I was unable to prise open my fingers.

One delightful - and I use that term with all intended sarcasm - journey I underwent was endured only by keeping my eyes firmly closed, while mentally screaming.  The supposedly professional driver (a taxi, by the way) kept cursing other motorists, swerving back and forth between traffic lanes, and slamming on the brakes at the last minute when required to stop.   The trip was rather like the driver, jerk, jerk, jerk.  At one point, and to my extreme horror, he decided that he hated motorbikes, whereupon he tried every trick he knew to cause a motorobike in front of us to crash.   Probably the only thing he stopped short of was running his cab into the back wheel of the bike.

More positively, there have been times when I was very comfortable and felt relaxed and safe with the driver.  The two drivers in whom I would place my trust at any time are, wait for it ........... women.  One is my own daughter, who is an absolute natural at driving.   The other is a young woman friend who is still on her 'P'  (Provisional) Plates.   Both of them are careful without being over-cautious, courteous, calm, and considerate drivers.   They instinctively adopt defensive driving attitudes, protecting themselves as well as their vehicle and passengers.

Probably one of the very worst drivers I have ever been in with was a young man who drove a truck for a living. He considered he was great at the wheel.  Whereas he was anything but great!   He consistently 'tail-gated' other vehicles, exceeded the speed limit, swore at other drivers, drove aggressively and generally behaved in a selfish manner on the road.   At one point he was livid because another car was in his mirror's "blind spot"  when he wanted to change lanes.   I pointed out that the other driver was doing no wrong, and had not the slightest idea where his 'blind spot' was.  And also that it was his responsibility to not only check his mirrors, but also to physically look behind before he changed lanes!   All in all, this man was a driver from hell, and I was just glad I had never encountered him while he was driving his truck.

Which brings me to some other truck drivers.   I have been on the highway, travelling at 100kpm, with a sleeping child in the back of the car and behind me, travelling so close to me that all I could see was the front grille, loomed a huge truck.    There are any number of short-haul truckies who employ this tactic, and I honestly don't know where they think it gets them.   It is dangerous in the extreme - I can stop many times faster than the truck, for example.   If I have to brake suddenly there won't be much left of my car nor of my granddaughter or me.  The sight of that monster in your rear view mirror is horrifying, and made worse by the fact that there isn't anything you can do, or anywhere you can go.    It is just intimidation, there is no other word for it.  Oh, apart from stupidity, dangerous, reckless, thoughtless and a host of other adjectives.  There is no understanding such moronic behaviour, and the worst thing of all is that the truckies  just don't give a  toss.

As for the rage exhibited by some drivers, well.  I am constantly shocked by the level of rage that seems to bubble inside some people.  It would be a big achievement if we could find the reasons for this and eradicate it.  It seems that society in general produces innumerable people prone to outbursts of fury and rage.  I don't understand it, no matter how much I try.   Surely we aren't born with this negative emotion burning our gut night and day?  When does it first show itself?   Do the parents of these rage-prone people know their children feel like this?  What do they do about it?   The thing that frightens me is that this response to the slightest stress - blind fury - is out of all proportion, and is often a killing rage.   That, plus the fact that it is obviously a phenomenon being seen across the world, not just in one small country.   If the people who go into a blind rage and use their vehicle as a weapon against others are like this in a vehicle, what are they like when they aren't driving?

Perhaps it is time to introduce compulsory anger management classes in our high schools.

Another type of driver is the inattentive and careless idiot, one who is "an accident looking for a place to happen".   They come from all walks of life, across the age groups, and from either sex.   We have all seen someone talking or even texting on their mobile phones whilst driving.   And we know that it takes just a second for an awful accident to happen.  But what about the mother who was splashed across the news because she was driving, breast-feeding her baby, and talking on her phone at the same time?    Well ok, it may be quite funny, but she obviously didn't care whether she killed herself and her tiny baby!    There have been reports of men shaving whilst driving.   I saw someone combing a child's hair, driving at 110kpm on the highway, in the overtaking lane.  And paying more attention to the hair than the road.

The most telling incident of all time, to my mind, was when my daughter saw a POLICE WOMAN driving an official vehicle, whilst drinking from a 600ml Coke and talking on her mobile.   This was on the highway, as usual.  Great job WPC or whatever.   My daughter phoned Caboolture Police Station, told the officer who answered what she had seen and the Car number.   She was, naturally, angry at the policewoman - after all, she was breaking the law!  The officer claimed they had no facility for finding which Station the car had come from, and off-handedly suggested that my daughter go to the nearest Police Station and fill in a Complaint Form.   Hmmm.  Pack of rubbish this is.  You are in heavy traffic on the highway and you are obviously not about to go searching for your nearest Police Station, are you?    What a great attitude from the ones who are supposed to be enforcing our laws.   If the Police don't care, who will?   And if they aren't worried about being responsible drivers how in hell can they expect anyone else to care?  Thumbs up, Queensland Police.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!   I welcome comments, whether you agree or disagree with my viewpoint.

Ooops! Having Publishing Problems!

Just a really quick note to ask everyone to bear with me!  I am having extreme trouble with composing my blog - something has gone awry and the final published blog actually bears small resemblance to the original draft!   I don't understand HTML so unfortunately don't know how to correct the  problem in HTML. 

As a consequence, I have pictures where they shouldn't be, text where I didn't put it, extra paragraph breaks and all sorts of exciting, but irritating, problems!

Hopefully Google can correct the glitch soon.  :)

The Judgment - A Calm Discussion!

I know that at one stage or another we have all been guilty of judging someone - but there are some folk who seem to do nothing else.   To those people I want to say - remember that you are showing who and what you are every time you leap in to judge someone else.  Just food for thought :

O.K.  someone is judging you - maybe on Facebook, maybe from within your family or friends.  It could even be that you feel an outsider is judging you.  And inevitably their verdict is guilty.  I honestly don't know how people who are accused of a crime and  tried by a Jury ever manage to get acquitted!   In our ordinary daily lives we mostly seem to be questioned  and critised about our choices, our lifestyle and worst of all - on our style of parenting.  The latter is the hardest one to accept, and it is one of the most hurtful things anyone can do - judge you as a parent, and then pronounce their verdict.   It always seems to be "guilty",  why is this?

Maybe when I was bringing up my daughter it was simpler, as the only person who ever criticised me was my mother.  And as she only saw me for a few months out of about 20 years her criticisms were easy to shrug off.  She felt I was too strict!   In other ways it was extremely difficult, as I was on my own for most of the time, and when things went wrong or my little girl was ill there was no circle of supportive friends and relatives for me to turn to.

In these amazing days of instant communication, someone can be thinking of you one minute and telling you their thoughts in the next.  Sometimes this is wonderful as we can reach for help and there is someone "out there" who will respond, and wrap you in their arms.   BUT, big but - very often instant communication is used in an  extremely destructive, hurtful, vicious and evil manner.


It is difficult to work out what motivates people to act in this manner, perhaps it is because of a complex mix of emotions and feelings?  It often appears that someone will make a disparaging comment purely to bring attention to themselves, and to provoke a reaction from others.  This is A TROLL - I wonder if they realise that?   We would be far better off to quit feeding them, just treat their comment as though it didn't exist.  Delete it.  Ignore them.   Trolls can't bear to be ignored.

Sometimes, perhaps, people mean well even though what they say in judgment of another is, in reality, wide of the mark.  They don't know enough of the circumstances to jump in and instantly make negative judgment.  At other times, it appears that the one doing the judging is extremely rigid and/or narrow in their outlook.  It seems to me that these are often quite young people, who have an immature outlook on life - where everything is either black or white.  In reality life is many shades of grey, and even the truth has many shades to it.   As we mature and gain life experience, as well as move out of our little circle of comfort, we (hopefully) realise that we cannot apply impossibly rigid rules to people's lives.  Circumstances always influence people's actions and decisions, and I for one, quite pity those who are unable to be flexible enough to consider someone else's circumstances.

"Grey Sat Wheel"  
 A wonderful example of this type of rigid thinking is in the following :   A woman discovered she is pregnant and, because of her circumstances, simply cannot have another child.  She may be  alone, with several children already.  She may be struggling financially, and another baby would just break them.   There are any number of reasons why she is now unwilling and unable to bring another child into the world.  This unfortunate woman reached out for help, asking her peers what she could do.  In her total distress she couldn't see which way to turn.  Her peers responded by pointing out that she has three options only - have the child, adopt the child out or have an abortion.  They advised her to first talk with her doctor.  They also reassured her that they would stand with her, no matter what decision she makes.   These were the women with compassion and maturity, with life experience and empathy.

Except for one - who used the cry for help as a platform from which to expound on her rigid views about abortion.   She judged the woman who asked for help.   She delivered her pronouncements that abortion is wrong.   She argued with other women who were trying to help.  And eventually she disappeared.   Unfortunately, she still won't know why she angered people. Even though she was told - she won't understand that this was not about her, nor was it about her rigid views.   And her views in this case were not helpful, they were distressing and destructive, more likely to make the woman more distressed instead of comforting her.   Perhaps this person was well-meaning, but when someone says they simply cannot bring another child into the world it is cruel beyond words to remark that she should go through the pregnancy, deliver the baby and put it up for adoption. It makes me wonder whether, if the shoe was on the other foot, this person could do that herself?   I am guessing it was really easy for her to say "give up your baby",  but it would be frightful to have to actually do this.

Unfortunately, this level of immaturity and narrowness seems to show up constantly, and I find it very sad - I pity these young people.  I think that as they grow older and look back on their attitudes, and the things they said in their youthful arrogance, they will feel ashamed of the way they once viewed the world.   At least, I hope and pray they do.  Perhaps then they will also believe, as most of us do, that we women, in particular, should all pull together, not tear at each other and try to hurt and distress each other.  After all, we are supposed to be the nurturers.

As it is, life is difficult enough, and parenting such a huge undertaking that the very last thing any of us needs is someone watching over our shoulder every minute of the day, ready to pounce on the slightest thing they perceive as different.  And therefore wrong.   Just remember, when you judge others you are really leading with your chin - there is always someone else who is willing to defend the one being judged.   And you are likely to have bitten off more than you can chew.......

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  Please know that you are welcome to comment, whether you agree or disagree!