A New Look At Why Men Pee On The Floor

I imagine this is a subject that has been done to death, and will have you rolling your eyes and saying tsk.  It's just that I am taking a look at this from my point of view!  There must be millions of pages about the development of the toilet, and no, Thomas Crapper did NOT invent it - look it up!   There seems to have been some sort of toilet facility around for thousands of years.  And there is even World Toilet Day, which actually almost made me pee with laughing.

Some 'toilets' that particularly struck me (and I don't mean that literally, you will see why!)  were the garderobes still to be seen in Dirleton Castle (near Edinburgh).   The walls of the castle, which dates from 13th Century, are probably 4ft thick. There is a little round "room" set into some of the outer walls, overlooking the remains of the moat and in these little rooms  are holes, and what looked like seats.   There is a sort of rough chute from them straight out through the walls.  We decided these were the castle toilets, and I could only imagine sticking your bare butt through the hole when there were arrows flying through the air!  Not to mention in the dead of winter.  It must have been quite a sight to see the Laird's  bare backside floating halfway up the castle walls.  The thought gave me the giggles for ages.   I mean, really - everything about toilets and toileting gives many of us the giggles.   

Garderobes on a tower

Inside garderobe looking out!

Anyway, back to my point.  Why in hell do men pee standing up?  Hardly a one of them can aim properly, and even when they do, they have to do the stupid shake thing at the end, and all of that disgusting urine ends up, well.. everywhere.    Little boys simply can't aim, because  Little boys have a small penis that usually points almost straight forward. When you teach them to pee standing up, they'll often pee on the back of the toilet or miss the thing altogether. If he should take his mind off what he is doing,  he may turn his body, and then his wee will end up perhaps on the floor, or on the wall.

Actually you don't need to teach him to pee standing up at all, he can do it sitting down like you do!   It isn't even important for him to ever pee standing up!  By what I am reading, more and more men are going into the cubicles and sitting down.  After all, who knows what they are doing when the door is shut?

Ask a man why he does stand to pee.  You will get the stupidest answers, ranging from "because we can" to how difficult it is to tuck your shirt back in.  Basically?  They have no idea why they do it.  It has become a MODERN and accepted thing to stand in front of a urinal, next to a dozen other men, all with their spare parts hanging out, and doing who knows what.  Do they chat?  ewwww  Do they check out the man next to them?  I have no idea.  I once had to go into a locker room, which adjoined the mens' urinals in the building where I worked.  The stink was unbelievable.  I felt ill, so how in hell they can go in there beats me.  

Imagine all the bottoms hanging out of the 'commons' - A case of ten blue bottoms?

May I help you sir?

I found it very very interesting that according to Muslim teachings men should not stand up, and should not go to the toilet where anyone can see them.  Their ideas of hygeine are also a whole heap better than our disgusting ideas.  How many men do you know that go to the urinal, hold the old fella, do their business, shake and put it away and then walk out without washing their hands?  Then they will come and sit down to eat, or put their arms around you or pick up the baby, whatever.  That is just totally disgusting.  And yet thousands of men do not see the need to wipe themselves or wash their hands!   WHY?  Have they never been taught hygeine?

And just look where the toilet paper is! Try reaching that!

 
Another fascinating but rather awful snippet I came across told me that trans-gender men can actually buy a device that they can use to help them pee standing up?  I don't understand why - and to me this suggests that in order to be a male you must be able to pee up the wall.......??   The whole subject mystifies me totally.

We had an older family member who had the dreaded dementia.  The toilet in his house was in the bathroom, which reeked of urine.  Around the toilet was literally a pool of urine,  which was disgusting to say the least.  We were visiting and I got in and cleaned and disinfected the whole room (which was quite large).  Everything was pristine, clean and fresh smelling.  Just before I had finished the last of the floor this man asked if he could use the loo.  I came out, he went in.  He didn't shut the door, so I watched what he did.  Remember - he had dementia.  He stood there weeing and at the same time he was looking around the room, and up at the ceiling etc.  He was so distracted that he turned his body at the same time as he turned his head with the result that he weed literally everywhere.........  mystery solved about why the puddle was there.   And back to square one with cleaning the loo and the floor.    How much simpler if he had sat down to wee!   Just sit, do the business, use a little toilet paper (as we women do), flush and wash your hands.

Lightning Ridge Opal Fields Australia - Fair Dinkum Dunny

There have been numerous posts,  on a group I was on in Facebook,  from single mums asking how they can teach their little boy to stand up to pee.  Again, I ask why would you actually want to?   A comment on a blog said that they didn't teach their little man to go standing up, and when he was home he sat.  When he was older and went out with the bigger boys he just automatically stood with them at the public urinals.   To me this makes so much sense and is infinitely more hygenic all round.   And strangely it didn't make him less of a boy!   There are many many more like him - they just keep quiet about it.

 
I will digress a little - yet again - and say that once you begin delving into toilets (pun intended!) you find the most fascinating and weird facts.  We had a stopover on a plane flight,  many years ago, at Bahrain. In the airport loos we were confronted by the strangest toilets, where you put your feet on designated spots either side of the "toilet" and squatted over the "bowl" - which was actually set into the floor.   My then two year old freaked out and wouldn't go!   I had no hope, not having the greatest sense of balance in the world.  I had visions of ending up with my behind stuck in the hole and missing the plane!   There are Japanese toilets where you also squat, but they are of a different configuration.  I will put up a picture!

There is a website devoted to squatting when you go, and it amused the hell out me, I will admit.   One of reasons they advocate squatting is that it is better for your health.  I was vastly amused when I read of all the awful things in store for us because we sit on our throne to go.   The owners of the site blame sitting for a multitude of ills, including bowel cancer, polyps etc.   They quote statistics from countries which squat and those who sit, and use this to 'prove' their theory is valid.   What I didn't see mentioned is that the majority of countries where people squat are impoverished, and the diet in these countries is radically different from the diet in the Western world.  That is just to start with!   The website puts forward the 'fact'  that before we sat to go we didn't have the incidence of things like Chron's Disease and bowel cancer etc.   Um..  hello?  We also didn't know why people were dying and what caused their abdominal pain way back in the dark ages.  And we didn't have the refined foods then either.  On the whole it was an interesting but vastly amusing read.  And no, I don't intend to squat any time soon.      Oh!  You can buy a gadget that enables you to sit on the toilet but put your feet higher so you can virtually squat!  

Sorry for going off topic - sort of!   I could burble for a while about the whole subject of loos but I won't bore you any more with my ravings.   My concluding thoughts on the question of why men sit to pee?   It is because THEY don't have to clean the toilet.    Scientists have done tests and found that the highest concentration of nasty germs is actually around the outside of the toilet bowl, and on the floor around it.  I wonder why?  ha!  Sit boy!  Sit! 

Do You Read To Your Children?

One of the greatest challenges facing any baby is learning to speak their own language, whether they are English, Italian, Spanish or any other nationality. From their first little babbles and baby sounds onwards, they are learning to speak, and at an astonishing rate.

Our babes are having to learn not only what objects are, but the word we use to describe those objects, and what they are used for. They have to learn about colour, sound, people, animals, inanimate things like houses, furniture, pencils and every other part of the world that surrounds them.
I believe passionately that there are two major ways in which we can help them learn, and have proven my theory over and over.

The first way is to do what nearly all of us do with our children, and that is talk to them. Not at them, but to them. Have conversations with them, even before they can respond with an answer. Don't feel silly asking your 11 month old if she can see the chilli sauce on the supermarket shelf!! From the first day of their lives babies love our voices, particularly mummy's voice as she chats to them, sings to them, whatever she is doing that requires her to speak.

When they point at something, tell them what it is they are showing you, and what you use it for!! It is all sinking in, as tiny ones are like sponges for knowledge! Point things out to baby yourself whether it is a butterfly or a lamp post.

The second way to help them learn their language is by reading to them. Read, read, read. It doesn't matter what it is, or whether you are a good reader yourself. By the time they come to where they can read for themselves, you will be much more accomplished at reading also. Read to them from even the first few weeks, it is not the content of the page, but again it is your voice they respond to.

I have never known of a child who didn't love to have a book read to them. And I have never known a child who was read to who didn't learn to speak early and well. Most of these children started learning to read early as well. But apart from these obvious benefits - cuddling up and reading to your child, and with your child, is immense fun for both of you.

When your toddler asks you for "more book?" you will be so proud of what you have accomplished together. And you will have set the pattern for them that 'learning is fun'.

You Can Fool Some Of The People

Well, we all know at least one, don't we?  The charmer who somehow insinuates himself,  or herself, into your life, and for a time has you fooled.  These people are the users, the abusers - the so-called trolls - how i love that word!  Can't you picture it?  All hunched over and warty, big old ugly nose and personality to match?  Makes me laugh every time I think of it.

Anyhow!  Back on topic.   These delightful individuals are everywhere, unfortunately for us.  It is much easier to spot them when you are face to face, but harder when they are only in cyber space.  They are the ones who present themselves as being goodness and light, saviours of our sanity, the ones it is safe to tell our secrets to. The bringers of charity and the tireless workers for good.   There are so many times in our lives, and even in our days, when we just need someone to vent to or to turn to for help in a crisis, big or small.   We need to reach out to other people, and this is where the troll or trollop? finds a wonderful niche.  

In the guise of being your new very best friend, old warty will play on your emotions, offer you their hand in "friendship" and at the same time hang you out to dry.  Quite often they disguise themselves quite effectively, so that from the outside they appear to be quite human, and are seen to espouse good causes - battered wives, and lonely single mums, abused children and even dogs that get no love.   For a time the disguise is rather effective.  But old warty really isn't too bright underneath the paintwork.   Warty thinks that the rest of the world is inferior in intelligence and quite lacking in good old street smarts.  Invariably they do something which gives them away, either through arrogance or sheer stupidity.   Often it is just plain ignorance, and their contempt for the rest of us suddenly shows through in some small thing they say or do.

Typically, as soon as one of us sees the real warty instead of a reflection, they desperately try to deflect your attention by becoming agressive.  They aren't selective or crafty enough about where they direct the agression either - as long as there is a 'soft target' for their nastiness they are taking the focus off themselves.  Some of us are even taken in by this tactic, unfortunately.   Often they will try to play on our sympathies by reporting that they are a target for another's agressive behaviour.  You have all seen it, haven't you?  Up pops warty, crying that someone is "trying to hack my Facebook" or whatever!   In reality there is nobody there, not even the big bad wolf.   But those followers who are still having the wool pulled over their eyes will rise up in defence, and rally round warty for all they are worth.   "We believe in you!"  " We won't stand for this!" "Who did this?  We will sort them out!" ...........  notice what has happened?   Focus is now completely off warty and on some innocent, unsuspecting third party.   Who now becomes a target for all the misplaced anger and indignation of the flock.

Another little telltale by which you can determine whether or not you are dealing with a warty is to ask them questions.  It is fascinating to see the complete lack of response - every time!   If you spot something a little odd about what they have told you, and you query this, you will be extremely lucky to get a response - let alone a straight answer.   Instead?   Warty will quickly introduce a new subject.    Warty is the one who will have no disagreement with their pronouncements - woe betide anyone who has a different viewpoint.   Warty decides whether people should be chastised for the way they think or feel, and finds some perverse delight in holding people up for public ridicule or judging them harshly for not thinking or behaving as warty does.   This nasty creature is not even above publishing your private information and making scathing comments about it.

Many warty creatures are lurking in cyberspace hoping to make a quick dollar - so beware of how far you let them in - everything is fodder to them, and they will use it unhesitatingly.   They often present themselves as experts of one sort or another, but in reality they have only picked the meat off the bones of everyone they have come into contact with.  And what they have learned from us they use for their own ends, and their own profit.  Make careful note here as well - warty has double standards.  To put it bluntly?  Warty is two-faced.  There is no other way to put that!   Warty will demand that you abide by a set of rules and uphold certain standards - but the rules only apply to the followers, the little flock.   They don't apply to warty at all.   

I do hope this has given you an insight into the nature of the beast, and at least given you a few clues on how to spot one in its own environment.   The world would really be better off without these creatures, but I guess the only way we will ever achieve that is by keeping our wits about us and shouting "gotcha" every time we spot one.  And then?  Whatever you do, don't respond to the troll, this is what it is wanting.  Any response is better than none.  Lastly - tell everyone you know that you have found old warty!  

When all else fails - call Supergirl!