A New Look At Why Men Pee On The Floor

I imagine this is a subject that has been done to death, and will have you rolling your eyes and saying tsk.  It's just that I am taking a look at this from my point of view!  There must be millions of pages about the development of the toilet, and no, Thomas Crapper did NOT invent it - look it up!   There seems to have been some sort of toilet facility around for thousands of years.  And there is even World Toilet Day, which actually almost made me pee with laughing.

Some 'toilets' that particularly struck me (and I don't mean that literally, you will see why!)  were the garderobes still to be seen in Dirleton Castle (near Edinburgh).   The walls of the castle, which dates from 13th Century, are probably 4ft thick. There is a little round "room" set into some of the outer walls, overlooking the remains of the moat and in these little rooms  are holes, and what looked like seats.   There is a sort of rough chute from them straight out through the walls.  We decided these were the castle toilets, and I could only imagine sticking your bare butt through the hole when there were arrows flying through the air!  Not to mention in the dead of winter.  It must have been quite a sight to see the Laird's  bare backside floating halfway up the castle walls.  The thought gave me the giggles for ages.   I mean, really - everything about toilets and toileting gives many of us the giggles.   

Garderobes on a tower

Inside garderobe looking out!

Anyway, back to my point.  Why in hell do men pee standing up?  Hardly a one of them can aim properly, and even when they do, they have to do the stupid shake thing at the end, and all of that disgusting urine ends up, well.. everywhere.    Little boys simply can't aim, because  Little boys have a small penis that usually points almost straight forward. When you teach them to pee standing up, they'll often pee on the back of the toilet or miss the thing altogether. If he should take his mind off what he is doing,  he may turn his body, and then his wee will end up perhaps on the floor, or on the wall.

Actually you don't need to teach him to pee standing up at all, he can do it sitting down like you do!   It isn't even important for him to ever pee standing up!  By what I am reading, more and more men are going into the cubicles and sitting down.  After all, who knows what they are doing when the door is shut?

Ask a man why he does stand to pee.  You will get the stupidest answers, ranging from "because we can" to how difficult it is to tuck your shirt back in.  Basically?  They have no idea why they do it.  It has become a MODERN and accepted thing to stand in front of a urinal, next to a dozen other men, all with their spare parts hanging out, and doing who knows what.  Do they chat?  ewwww  Do they check out the man next to them?  I have no idea.  I once had to go into a locker room, which adjoined the mens' urinals in the building where I worked.  The stink was unbelievable.  I felt ill, so how in hell they can go in there beats me.  

Imagine all the bottoms hanging out of the 'commons' - A case of ten blue bottoms?

May I help you sir?

I found it very very interesting that according to Muslim teachings men should not stand up, and should not go to the toilet where anyone can see them.  Their ideas of hygeine are also a whole heap better than our disgusting ideas.  How many men do you know that go to the urinal, hold the old fella, do their business, shake and put it away and then walk out without washing their hands?  Then they will come and sit down to eat, or put their arms around you or pick up the baby, whatever.  That is just totally disgusting.  And yet thousands of men do not see the need to wipe themselves or wash their hands!   WHY?  Have they never been taught hygeine?

And just look where the toilet paper is! Try reaching that!

 
Another fascinating but rather awful snippet I came across told me that trans-gender men can actually buy a device that they can use to help them pee standing up?  I don't understand why - and to me this suggests that in order to be a male you must be able to pee up the wall.......??   The whole subject mystifies me totally.

We had an older family member who had the dreaded dementia.  The toilet in his house was in the bathroom, which reeked of urine.  Around the toilet was literally a pool of urine,  which was disgusting to say the least.  We were visiting and I got in and cleaned and disinfected the whole room (which was quite large).  Everything was pristine, clean and fresh smelling.  Just before I had finished the last of the floor this man asked if he could use the loo.  I came out, he went in.  He didn't shut the door, so I watched what he did.  Remember - he had dementia.  He stood there weeing and at the same time he was looking around the room, and up at the ceiling etc.  He was so distracted that he turned his body at the same time as he turned his head with the result that he weed literally everywhere.........  mystery solved about why the puddle was there.   And back to square one with cleaning the loo and the floor.    How much simpler if he had sat down to wee!   Just sit, do the business, use a little toilet paper (as we women do), flush and wash your hands.

Lightning Ridge Opal Fields Australia - Fair Dinkum Dunny

There have been numerous posts,  on a group I was on in Facebook,  from single mums asking how they can teach their little boy to stand up to pee.  Again, I ask why would you actually want to?   A comment on a blog said that they didn't teach their little man to go standing up, and when he was home he sat.  When he was older and went out with the bigger boys he just automatically stood with them at the public urinals.   To me this makes so much sense and is infinitely more hygenic all round.   And strangely it didn't make him less of a boy!   There are many many more like him - they just keep quiet about it.

 
I will digress a little - yet again - and say that once you begin delving into toilets (pun intended!) you find the most fascinating and weird facts.  We had a stopover on a plane flight,  many years ago, at Bahrain. In the airport loos we were confronted by the strangest toilets, where you put your feet on designated spots either side of the "toilet" and squatted over the "bowl" - which was actually set into the floor.   My then two year old freaked out and wouldn't go!   I had no hope, not having the greatest sense of balance in the world.  I had visions of ending up with my behind stuck in the hole and missing the plane!   There are Japanese toilets where you also squat, but they are of a different configuration.  I will put up a picture!

There is a website devoted to squatting when you go, and it amused the hell out me, I will admit.   One of reasons they advocate squatting is that it is better for your health.  I was vastly amused when I read of all the awful things in store for us because we sit on our throne to go.   The owners of the site blame sitting for a multitude of ills, including bowel cancer, polyps etc.   They quote statistics from countries which squat and those who sit, and use this to 'prove' their theory is valid.   What I didn't see mentioned is that the majority of countries where people squat are impoverished, and the diet in these countries is radically different from the diet in the Western world.  That is just to start with!   The website puts forward the 'fact'  that before we sat to go we didn't have the incidence of things like Chron's Disease and bowel cancer etc.   Um..  hello?  We also didn't know why people were dying and what caused their abdominal pain way back in the dark ages.  And we didn't have the refined foods then either.  On the whole it was an interesting but vastly amusing read.  And no, I don't intend to squat any time soon.      Oh!  You can buy a gadget that enables you to sit on the toilet but put your feet higher so you can virtually squat!  

Sorry for going off topic - sort of!   I could burble for a while about the whole subject of loos but I won't bore you any more with my ravings.   My concluding thoughts on the question of why men sit to pee?   It is because THEY don't have to clean the toilet.    Scientists have done tests and found that the highest concentration of nasty germs is actually around the outside of the toilet bowl, and on the floor around it.  I wonder why?  ha!  Sit boy!  Sit!