This is an hilarious blog from Grace's amazing mum - whom I thank very much!
The curious case of the missing sellotape!
I have this little girl called Grace, a beautiful, unique, one of a kind 4 year old. Bright, smart, and very amusing, all who know me say she's such a funny little girl, and I beam with pride! “Mum what's this?” She once asked, showing me her finger with a sticker stuck to the end. “Its a sticker baby, you know that” Little did I know this was one of her witty games, and I was left there feeling a little silly, when she responded sharply with “no! Its my finger silly!” and proudly skipped off. Ohh the joys of kids hey, and thus, this brings me to the story of the missing sellotape.....
Now anyone with a young child should know, if you lose a random object, should it be a remote control, a mobile phone or even a hairbrush, your first port of call should always be your child's toy box, or bag. Kids seem to be attracted to these things like magnets. Something I forgot.
It was an ordinary Monday night, I put my daughter to bed at seven thirty and looked forward to relaxing and watching tv. Oh I know, I could even paint my nails! They were looking a bit dull and boring, I'd not done them for a while so why not. Searching through a little vanity bag I keep my nail stuff in, I decided a French manicure would do the job. White tips and then a nice pale pink. Perfect. I got the varnish out, placed them on the side table by the sofa, and went to get the sellotape, which I use to keep the white tips nice and straight when I paint them on, with no mess. This simple task turned into a painful, infuriating one and a half hour search.
And, I searched everywhere, I looked in drawers, I double checked, then triple checked. I looked through the food bags IN the drawers that my daughter had filled with random crap. Under the sofa, behind the tv, in cupboards, on top and inside my wardrobe, in my daughters room. I even asked her numerous times as she lay watching a film “have you seen my sellotape?...are you sure you haven't? Have you hidden it?” She told me that no, she had not seen it, and would I stop been noisy while she was in bed. I don't know about anyone else, but when I need something, know I have it, but simply can't find it, I get angry. I was stomping about, muttering obscenities to myself, growling, slamming things, and doing other stuff that's the typical behaviour of a person who clearly has a temper! I wonder if this is where my girl gets hers from?? Nahhhh. This wasn't even about the nails anymore, I just wanted to know where the sodding tape was! I even took to twitter, tweeting 'if I were a roll of sellotape, where would I be?!' There was a rather naughty word in there which I won't include though, but for arguments sake let's just say, what starts with F and ends in uck, and no, it's not fire truck! I had a few suggestions, but I had already checked these places numerous times. Then, breakthrough!!
I found some! It wasn't the tape I originally set out for, this was double sided sticky tape I forgot I even had, but nonetheless still tape, so I accepted this as a compromise. I could do my nails now right? They would look perfect yes??....NO! It was a massive fail, little bits of sticky glue stuck to my nails when I took it off, and it took some of the white off too. It was getting late, I lost interest, gave up and went to bed defeated and annoyed.
Now fast forward a week. Early morning and I'm sitting on the sofa with my daughter. She wants to play doctors! So off she goes to fetch her doctors bag, which inside she keeps various instruments such as a bandage, thermometer, stethoscope, toy ones of course, it's also full of random baby stuff she uses for her dolls...you know, rattles, bottles etc. you get the idea. First she bandages my hand, I'm not sure what's wrong with it but hey, I'm not the professional here, she is. Then “Right mummy, doctor Grace will listen to your heart now” which I'm pleased to say is fine and normal. Next on my health screening, “Can you scream for me now please” errrm okay, strange request I think, looking a little bewildered, but like I said I'm not the professional, she is. So I do. I let out a small scream. Satisfied I've done a good enough job as she seems to be grinning at me, I stop. And when I do, she proudly reaches into her doctors bag, pulls out THAT roll of MY SELLOTAPE, bites off a strip, sticks it, right over my mouth, and asks if I'm able to scream now.
You have got to be kidding me right?!.....