Um. Me? Please don't ask me why, as I have no idea whatsoever! Two monstrous, hair-shedding, spoiled, four-legged shadows. Wherever I go they go. If I suddenly turn around I trip over one of them, sometimes both.
Trying to garden is an exercise in extreme patience, without the goodwill to all dogs. Picture me. Fat backside in the air, 'lady garden fork' dug into the muddy ground, levering away at Canna Lily corms. We are doing well so far, Carol, we have 3/4 of the pest dug out.
When along comes the dog, and along comes the other dog. Dog one decides that there is a magnificently stinky pong coming from the hole under the corm I am struggling to dig out. So she shoves her whole nose and half her head into the hole. I am trying to lift the fork, corm and dog, all covered in mushy mud. Growl at her and push her away - she doesn't need a forking hole in her muzzle eh? She comes right back. End up popping her on the nose and pushing her physically out of the way.
She comes right back. So. I continue, drag out the corm and shoots and shake it like mad. Getting dirt all over the damned dog. Who immediately shoves her head in the hole. I win. I cover the hole with dirt. So she promptly sits where I am about to dig next.
Fair enough, two can play at this game madam. I move to the next spot. Dog number two has been happily barking his fool head off at a falling leaf, but seeing that I am about to dig he comes barrelling back and - with a huge smirk on his furry dial - pees all over the lily I am about to dig up. AAAAGH!
Right. Forget the lilies, I have a garden edge to straighten and re-define, at the back of the house. Off I go and collect the trusty ' lady garden spade'. As I commence panting and grunting and pounding the spade into the ground, sweat drooling off every surface (of me, not the spade!) - along comes....... no not Jones, the bloody dogs!
Dog one decides there is a wonderful stinky smell in the hole I have just dug............repeat paragraphs 3 and 4 (above). Dog two? Happily sits watching until I get to an especially heavy spot (must be a stone under the surface), whereupon he pees. double AAAAGH.
Nothing daunted, I carry on, with one dog happily digging out the edge and widening the bed even more, and the second dog sitting in the exact spot where my spadeful of dirt will be thrown. I gave up in the end, with just one or two more spade widths left to dig.
Who'd have a bloody dog?