Sunday, December 11, 2011

I Hate Being Manipulated

There I was downloading my emails, which are normally full of all sorts of exciting things, like how to extend my penis and take viagra now that I have a big one.  When suddenly there came a shout from the roof.. no, suddenly I saw a strange email (I meant to say that in the first place).  It was from some "psychic" who calls herself Zora.  Usually these are automatically dumped into the bin.

Lady, I don't need a psychic - I am one!  This one guys, would take your breath away though.  Forgetting all the rules about tracking cookies and whatnot, I opened the email and read the contents.  How I wish I had minded my own business.  The email reads as follows:

Subject: Theres something disturbing you Carol

Dear Carol,
By looking at your situation more closely I say to myself you could have no more personal worries and money problems.
But as you delay every day a little your request for your Free Confidential Clairvoyance which should arrive never arrives.
I see a crow passing above you, this means that you're feeling low. 
You see only darkness, you don't believe in anything any more!
I'm the witness of your life and your future happiness which requires my urgent intervention to reveal itself but I'm powerless in the face of your staggering inaction.
Time is passing quickly and if you do nothing, you'll see the train pass in front of your window, a train loaded with all the world's wonders, all the dreams which are still in your mind. Enter into the fairytale world of Zora; immediately request your Free Confidential Clairvoyance! Everything will change for you soon...
Your Astral Adviser

I sure don't know about anyone else but when I read that I went into such a steam about it.  Cheeky, manipulating cow she must be.  She can't be that bloody psychic or she wouldn't have sent the email in the first place - she would have known how bloody angry it makes me feel.  Talk about low, underhanded and shoddy salesmanship (or womanship).  I mean, for pity's sake, if I was some random old lady - sssh no giggling allowed ok?.

My Staggering Inaction

Anyway as I was saying, if I was some frightened little old lady reading that I would probably be sucked right in and spend spend spend.

How easy it is to blurt about money or personal worries.  Hell, everyone on earth has those same worries.  I bet even the Queen of England worries about stuff now and again.  Especially family stuff.

The kicker, or the killer was the itsy bit where madame 'Zora'  stated that You see only darkness, you don't believe in anything any more! - well I guess maybe she is psychic because right then the electricity went out because of a storm!  And how does she know what I believe or don't believe?  I obviously don't believe in her, that's for sure!

As for I'm powerless in the face of your staggering inaction. Hey ZORAAAAA?????  Guess what?  I am not powerless - I have a button called 'bounce to sender'.    Every time one of your manipulative little ditties arrives, it will go straight back to you - you cheeky bloody person.  And at the same time it will be automatically deleted.

I loathe people trying to manipulate me lady, and I despise people who use thinly veiled scare tactics to get me to cooperate with their aims.

So criss off you picket, and go nag someone else's pants off.  If I wanted your services I would bloody come to you.  The only crow I see around here is you mate.

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